


I lost my mind

by Rogozaurus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eating Disorders, Horseback Riding, Horses, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 16:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6712687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogozaurus/pseuds/Rogozaurus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean is grumpy rider without any friends. But then appears Marco, his new groom. But who is he exactly and how he managed to get there? Well, that's surprising.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I lost my mind

The rush of adrenaline which was given by riding a cross-country course was amaizing. The best part of this whole eventing. Fast canter, wooden fences and unknown beyond them. A long, long distance and race against time. It all was causing a beautiful feelings. Some sort of freedom. Or so thought Jean Kirschtein, who once again was riding the training course. Mondays were fine just because he could train on the cross and no one was pointing out, what he is doing wrong and what he is doing... less wrong. As he even cared. He didn't remember when someone had praised him. Was that the real sport career? Or there wasn't anyone, who was kind enough to say simple "Good job" and mention no mistakes. Why do they care about too harsh turns and shortcuts? He knew, what he is doing and what he has to do to reach the optimal time. So if anyone isn't hurt, why do they speak about this constantly?  
Jean was thinking about this when he got to the last fence. He saw a well-known stable behind it. He sighed and gradually stopped his horse. He reached for a horse blanket hanging on the fence and lightly put it on horse's croup. He glanced at the meadows. Grass had orange-ish colour because of sunset. Jean breathed slowly with small puff of the steam comming out from his mouth. Well, in fall it is getting cold quite quickly. He started to walk to the stable, checking missed calls. Yeah, he heard something during the course and as it appeared, there was coach and Eren calling. Both few times. So what was so important? They knew, that they couldn't interrupt Jean's cross-country training. And near the arena he met Eren.  
"What did ya want?" Jean grumbled. He just wanted to reach the box stall and let his horse and himself rest.  
"You know, you could sometimes remember about the appointments instead of careless riding around the cross-country, just ignoring everything and everyone" Eren replied even more rudely.  
Jean had no idea what they were talking about. Appoitnment? He didn't remember any planned. Even if, manager was the one, who was settling everything.  
"I haven't made any appointments?" Jean stated, not hiding his astonishment nor irritation.  
"So who agreed yesterday for a meeting with new groom? Your horse? Oh, did I mistake you two? You have such similar faces..." sneered Eren, glaring at him with anger.  
"I will beat you so, that the next week you won't be able to approach your horse" Jean murmured nervously.  
Before they started to argue more, in their path stood coach, really pissed off. 160 cm of pure anger was glancing at them with hatred. They became silent instantly, waiting for serious lecture or simply getting hit.  
"Hurry up Jean, this new kid can't wait forever" Levi snarled.  
Coach probably resigned to do anything to them. Why? Maybe because Jean was completely covered in mud and dirt. Or maybe he was just fed up of looking at Jean and Eren. So the riders obediently followed their coach, totally silent. In front of the stable was waiting a guy. Around Jean's height, brunet with face covered in little freckles and with sheepish gaze.  
"S-So, this is the new groom?" Jean asked unsurely, pointing at this boy.  
"You could be more polite to him" Eren rebuked him immediately.  
"Oh sure, MUM" Jean replied sarcastically.  
"I'm just reminding you that last groom left job with a mental breakdown because of you" Eren hissed.  
"Shut up, both of you" Levi demanded "And get down Jean"  
Mentioned rider dismount and patted his horse in reward.  
"So, should I test how does he deal with Ecuador?" he asked after a while, watching potential groom carefully. That guy smiled politely.  
"This is my task, isn't it?" he asked.  
Jean was left speachless for a bit of time. He blinked, surprised that this freckled guy wasn't scarred of his scorn.  
"Uh... So yeah, fine" he said finally, handing reins over to the potential groom. He took them gently and smiled once again, thanking. Then he brought the horse in and to its box stall. Jean was observing them from behind, trying to judge the work of groom. His work was rather arduous, but horribly precise. On the other hand, the horse was so dirty after cross-country, that Jean couldn't complain about the tempo. When the rider got tired of looking, he took the pack of cigarettes from his locker. He sat in front of box stall and lit one. He breathed the smoke slowly. Normally he had been doing this when the horse was clean and eating evening portion of oat. But that day there was no point in waiting. In his thoughts, Jean was replaying today's course, looking for some mistakes. Well, there was some in techinque for sure. But he hate so much when someone is commenting his cross-country trainings. It was making him loose his focus and therefore nothing was going as planned. And so the only request that everyone respected was not to observe Jean's cross-country trainings. From these thoughts Jean was snatched by the voice of brunet.  
"Uhh, I'm sorry, but should I do something more?" He asked, looking at Jean sheepishly.  
Jean looked to the box stall. The horse was shining? Jean raised his brow and glanced at the groom.  
"So, do you know how to make a bran mash?" Jean asked.  
"Yeah, sure!" Groom answered vigorously.  
"So make some" stated blond guy and lit the next cigarette. Wait, was that the third one? Ignroing this fact, Jean once again focused on his thoughts, planning the next day. When the horse smacked him with his head, while looking from the box, Jean cursed harshly. He jumped away quickly, surprised a bit. Freckled guy couldn't stop the laughter. Jean peeked at him, feeling offended. Then he examined the bucket and sighed.  
"Good job, um..." he began, but he couldn't recall brunet's name. Did anyone mention it?  
"Marco" Groom reminded him patiently, smiling kindly.  
"Marco" Jean repeated, scratching his neck in embarassment.  
Brunet glanced at his watch.  
"It took some time... Weren't I too slow for you? I heard that it disturbs you, when someone is so slow..." He said carefully.  
Jean shrugged.  
"It was worth to wait. And because I was on cross-country course today, you are lucky. I don't have energy or desire to complain" He explained, streching himself lazily.  
"O-Ow... So there is a possibility for me to work with you?" Marco inquired.  
Jean stared at him critically.  
"We'll see tomorrow" He stated, shrugging again. He took the empty bucket from the box stall and closed the door of it. He also locked his locker and gave one key to the freckled guy.  
"Ecuador have to be ready tomorrow at 10 AM. Then I'll tell you, what's next" Jean muttered, passing Marco.  
"Thank you!" he replied with happiness.  
Jean smiled slightly, but didn't turn around.  
"See ya tomorrow" He shouted, trying to seem neutral. He threw the bucket to a feed room and went out from the stable. Then Jean headed to his house, which was exactly opposite to the horse riding centre. The rider was quite intrigued that this whole Marco wasn't even irritating him. That was so weird, but... It gave hope that Jean would finally have one normal colleague. It sounded really optimistic and was a great cover for the tomorrow's issue which was dressage training.  
Good mood wasn't a long guest in Jean's mind though. Next day he woke up with awful Tuesday humour. It was 8:30 AM, there was no coffee at home and in one and half hour he would have to deal with Levi, who was a pure sadist. This 160 cm of unfulfilled ambitions and high requirements. One and a half our of tortures seemed to be twice that worse as always because of the fact, that in the fridge wasn't anything to eat. Oh, does it mean the whole next day of starvation? Sounds fantastic! Jean drank a glass of water as a very nutritious breakfast and went to the bathroom to try to make a use from himself. Cold shower wasn't his dream. He put on frayed breeches and battered shirt and so he looked worse than he should. For sure that wasn't something that could impress Marco.  
Wait, hold on.  
Why he would like to impress him? What a stupid idea, even dumber if you want to make it with an appearance, because in a few hours Jean will be sweaty, dirty and furious. Giving up with his look, Jean found in the pile of clothes one pair of usable riding socks.  
Yeah, he should make a laundry.  
Shopping.  
Eventually cleaning.  
But who has time or energy to do that. Jean rushed out from the bathroom, immediately forgetting about the tasks. He went to the hall and put on his training riding boots (Yes, here also it would be nice to buy new one, just because that pair was rather damaged). He took his club coat and examined himself in the mirror. In front of him stood emaciated man with the face showing whole hatred to the world. Everyone asked him how he is so fit.  
Regular starvation?  
Dying because of it?  
Diet called "I forgot that food exist"?  
Jean slowly went to the stable. He had some time to the training, but it was good to be earlier, right? Maybe he could eat some oat? He would become more like a horse (especially for Eren) but not eating for, like, two days was worse.  
However no.  
He soon resigned from this idea, thinking about compromitation. He went into the stable, emitting the bad aura. Everyone sensed it and quickly started to engage in their tasks more. Also they sympathized Marco, because he was the only one who had to confront Jean for sure. Even though Marco had been still unaware of that, soon he had to join these, who prayed to have to deal with the worst guy in whole stable as little as possible. Jean was aware of fact that everyone thought like this. Sometimes he felt bad about it. But only sometimes, when he had really, really nasty day.  
Marco greeted him with angelic smile. He was saddling Ecuador in that moment. Jean mumbled something in reply and stopped in fornt of a box stall. He leaned on a wall to keep remaining energy. He also closed his eyes, trying to reach "energy-saving mode". Suddenly he felt something in front of him. Fine, someone. There was standing almost-Jesus Marco with beautiful green apple in his hand. Jean hoped that this fruit isn't for a horse...  
"You came here without breakfast, didn't you?" said Marco cheerfully, giving an apple to Jean.  
Firstly: How did he get to know?  
Secondly: Is that the next person, who is going to be his stable mother?  
Jean murmured some 'Thanks' and started to eat. Initially he was afraid that his stomach shrinked so much, that it would be dangerous. But wasn't. Tiny meal gave him a shot of energy which allowed to survive the whole day. He went to the round pen, observing how groom is warming up his horse. It was visible, that Marco had been working with horses for a long time and he had a gift to it. It was a nice, relaxing view. And so enchanted, Jean was standing there for a few minutes, till 10 AM. Levi was approaching the dressage arena, as well as Jean and Marco with Ecuador. One and a half hour of suffering was comming. Marco hold the stirrup and Jean mounted himself on the other side.  
"So, prepare and warm up Blue Jeans for 11:30" Jean requested without any gratitude. He gave Marco a horse blanket. Then freckled guy went back to the stable quickly. And Jean approached Levi, who was waiting in the middle of arena, impatient. They started a training fast and as commonly, they began from tortures, which should "improve equitation". In Jean's opinion that was pure fiction. After an hour he was so fed up with this, that he didn't know whether he want to cry or to yell. For a little while he lost his focus, when Marco arrived on the arena, sitting on the Blue Jeans. That irritated Jean seriously, because of a few resaons. Marco was there and saw his training. Also he was sitting on his horse with probably changed length of stirrups. And finally: He was looking at him all the time. But before Jean could react in any way, Levi had enough time to scold him and force to work again. Now it was even harder. Jean couldn't understand how he is dealing with the competitions, when everybody is staring at him. On a training he couldn't stand the gaze of two people. When it finally ended he sighed in relief. He put a horse blanket on Ecuador and laid on horse's croup.  
"I hate these trainings so much" He whispered to himself.  
"It seems to be tiring" Marco agreed, who appeared out from nowhere.  
Jean looked at him carefully and shrugged.  
"Levi is a sadist" He sighed, not lying at all.  
Marco laughed quietly.  
"But you ride really good because of his trainings" He stated, looking at Jean.  
Without 'because of his trainings" it would sound much better. Even though, it was one of the nicest comments he heard recently.  
"Yeah, well, maybe, but I'm still not good enough" he complained "Okay, a swap now" He added, halting his horse. They changed horses and Jean started to work with a young horse. Marco was still walking with Ecuador, observing Jean gently. That was irritating as hell. Jean halted Blue Jeans and glarred at Marco.  
"Why are you staring at me?" he asked nervously.  
"It's hard not to look at you" Marco confessed with sheepish smile.  
"I hate it" Jean admitted and went back to work.  
"Well, you have to get used to it" stated groom.  
Jean glanced at him once again and grinned.  
He felt that Marco would deal with him.


End file.
